i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
