I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
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