sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
