I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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