I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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