i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Randomize
