why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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