I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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