I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
