you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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