i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Green mimosas i think yes
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
