So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
