Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
