I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
