Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
