I accidentally had phone sex last night
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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