Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
