The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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