physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
