i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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