my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
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