remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
