Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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