he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
My feet surprised me
Randomize
