I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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