The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
