Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize