Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Randomize
