I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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