i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
