i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
