Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Randomize
