Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize