that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
