I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
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