Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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