Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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