Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
