Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
