Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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