I am puke
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize