you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
i think i just lost a toe
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
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