And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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