you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize