Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Randomize
