all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
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