Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
