note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
He told me they were just razor bumps!
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Is Oprah even human
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
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