I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
