Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
