do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I need to calm my uterus...
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
