you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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