How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
