in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
