please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
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