just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
