Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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