Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
He has the fingertips of a God
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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