The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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